So you know those times in life where you’re handed your choices — sometimes it’s a big one, sometimes not so much — nonetheless you are eventually given the big questions wrapped in the little ones. Even the “big questions” to our younger selves are later revealed to be nothing compared to the new ones. Each decision builds on the next taking us to where we are now. I’m dancing around the topic here. Running at fear.
That moment where the decisions put in front of you, scares the living daylights out of you, but, it will propel you forward when you choose. If you don’t, you stay just where you’ve been. I’m at several of these crossroads right now. I, unintentionally, have pushed somethings back a year, the choices that some of my fellow peers have already been on the path of for the past several months (or years) now. I personally don’t believe I have a lot of choices just because I’m young; everyone does, its just what will you grab on to?
I guess the thing is for me to take the reins…I think? See this for me is the main issue. This whole depending on God thing. Most things in life do not just plop into your lap; you have to run after what you want and seize them. Yet, in life there are things you must be patient for in order for them to come to proper fruition in due time. I’m honestly not trying to make excuses for myself, but I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never been where I am today before and am trying to figure this thing out just like everybody else. Which decisions and life choices go in which box?
And so there’s this voice of fear that whispers: What if you make the wrong choices? What if it ruins your life forever? This is especially scary for someone like me who like to try to imagine the long run costs of my current decisions (yes I know it sounds extreme, but lets be honest there’s always some sort of illogical stuff running around up there). The Pros and Cons are pretty even and really what scares me most is the cost: time. Honestly money isn’t something that scares me. It comes and goes, but time…We are all allotted our fill and my question is what if I choose wrong and waste the precious time I’ve been given?
Ironically, this same fear is what paralyzes me to not move forward and do anything, so if I move I lose time and if I don’t move I lose time. And that terrifies me. So what do I do? I sit on the cliff I’m stuck on, afraid of heights, trapped in the prison of my mind, where imagination is the thing keeps me from spreading my wings. So what if they’re painted on or falling apart? Icarus would have made it had he stayed away from both the sun and the water. The middle ground. My greatest enemy and friend; depending the situation.
To get to the goal, one must first cross the starting line.
I’m honestly sorry if none of this makes sense to anyone. Maybe you can relate, maybe not, but it’s where I’m at now.